06 February, 2011

STAR WARS! Meant for you, which occupation is? Hmm?

My job is a bag of mysteries some days - a literal Marry Poppins bag of random shit - which I love and adore. We have a chat program at work that connects everyone from every office into a big chat room, and some days it’s pretty legit, and other days it ends up being a hilarious clusterfuck of links, you tube videos, and nerd/geek references. Basically it’s heaven for geeks.

One day it was the mind blowing you tube video of Money for Nothing with Mark Knopfler from Dire Straits, Sting, Eric Clapton & Phil Collins… together! Mind…blown. I’ll link the page Here  in case you want to see.

Now, if I haven't explained already I work at a gaming company, so the majority if not all the employees are gamers, creatives, coders or testers; most of which are into playing games and geek stuff. So it’s safe to say we have a healthy buffet of nerdish links we share.

Star Wars is a popular topic in the office, as a few of the guys are obsessed with it, and there was a link to a quiz of sorts, to find out what career would be good for you from the Star Wars universe. So I decided to take the quiz to see what I would be, and analyze my results for you. I’ve included the link so you can also see what you would be SPOILER ALERT* (I already know the office guys are the Sith Apprentice).

Start: (I'll highlight my choices in green)


Do you consider yourself a rebel?


1) Fuck the Establishment!

2) I'm usually told when I can use the restroom


First of all if I was a rebel I would get the crap beaten out of me constantly. I can’t afford to be a rebel, my skin is too delicate. I'm not really the anarchist type, although I might be able to pull off the homemade-pike-bomb-made-out-of-a-water-bottle-thrown-into-a-library look. Unless you have to wear orange - I look better in earth colours. So I can’t actually pick rebel so I have to take the other answer even though that’s not true.


Can you Dance while shackled by the neck?


1) I will never do that again!

2) This question has made me feel cheap and dirty

3) I call that an average Tuesday


I have chosen this answer because I don’t actually dance shackled, although from what I could tell it would be pretty easy to do. Also I feel like I'm a good enough dancer I could break it down and still look fly. Plus I like to try everything once, you know what I mean?


Would you be comfortable murdering the population of an entire planet?


1) That’s totally not cool

2) As long as I could wear a big sweet helmet!


I don’t actually know what the allure of wearing a big helmet is; you’d get hat-hair, and it would probably be hot in there, maybe sweaty, and I’d imagine my makeup wouldn’t look very good once you took the helmet off. I’d have to carry a mini hair straightener with me and I refuse to do that. I’ll have to side with the hippies on this one, especially if the planet was cute Ewoks.


Are you comfortable with capturing people and/or aliens for money?


1) Ooloo ooloo

2) As you wish

3) Money is of no interest to me


See, I don’t really hav a problem with this one because it doesn’t say “capturing and torturing” or “capturing violently” or “holding physically against their will once captured”. So basically I'm selling people, which means I have now participated in trafficking humans/aliens. Which I’m pretty sure if a crime if not a felony of some kind. If we’re talking like, Sand People capturing of robots I’d be cool with that. Is that the risk here? I need more information.

Also, the first answer, wtf is that? Is that even a English, or is that just a sound? I didn't expect an onamonapia as an answer to something. Ewok noises don’t count as answers. The second answer makes me seem like someone’s bitch and I'm not about that either, and the third answer is just stupid. How do you support yourself without money? You know what that’s called? Being a trophy wife or homeless person. This is a tie between the random OLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL answer and the last one, which means It’s a tie for what job I’d get.


Ewok Chief / Jedi Knight.

Firstly let me explain the disappointment with Jedi’s for being so lame, you should at least care about the money. At least TAKE the money, common! Also, how does dancing shackled once lead me to be an Ewok Chief? Ewok Chief had a rough time in his early 20’s and made a few mistakes involving a pole and some shackles I guess, let’s not judge. Also who the fuck employs an Ewok as a sex slave? Furry… lovers. OK, now this quiz is starting to creep me out.

One last thing, the “evil” result is a Sith Apprentice, which by the way I would have done 2/3’s of the things they asked me. Like “What would you do if Jar Jar tried to force his way into your social circle?” I’d spread a rumour about how he likes to wear women’s lingerie, or the next closest result in the flow chart “cut him in half.”

This flow chart was very deceiving, I didn’t even get a chance to do bong hits with Jabba. Flowchart fail. Worst. Quiz. Ever. Also now I'm picturing the Ewok with a golden sex bikini. ONCE YOU SEE IT, it can't be unseen.


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