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17 January, 2012

Quick and Handy Checklist to Internet Dating and Avoiding Weirdos



With the internet as a common catalyst for meeting people of all kinds and from all locations, it’s not uncommon that you may strike up a friendship with someone you’ve never met. This is specifically true in a lot of video games with an online component, like MMOS, multiplayer, or even on servers with others from different areas of the world.

I have had my bout in online relationships as well as know several friends who have met their partners through online games and means. In fact, some of my closest friends are people I met online; through community forums, Twitter, Facebook, friends of friends and even internet dating websites.

In today’s society of commuting more, working longer, and with more stress, meeting someone online is no longer seen as a social stigma but maybe even the new way to meet and cultivate relationships. Online dating and social networks have erased the taboo of meeting someone you’ve never met “in person”, and replaced it with the very possible idea that online forums will be seen as the new “traditional” method, with the term Community is in the process of being redefined.

This article is written to you as a loose guide for what to look for if you are new in the internet dating or community meeting realm, with the overall goal of the checklist being: Not to talk to or meet internet weirdos.

*At the end of this checklist, the goal is to not have any check marks.

1-3 check marks = He’s probably new at internet dating and doesn’t know the rules
4-6 check marks = Falls into “tsk tsk” category. It’s still possible he’s salvageable (not likely)
7+ check marks = More than likely a douche who you probably don’t want to reply to or message

  Does his screen-name fail the Mom test?

The Mom test is when you could show your mom his screen name, and have her not yell at you for several minutes while repeating “I’ll never be a grandmother!” Examples include but are not limited to: Sexy69, HornyMan, GreatKisser, GoodInBed, or LegsWideOpen

 Does he have only one picture in his profile?

One picture normally means he 1) Only has one picture that is not terrible 2) Never goes out socially to have his photo taken 3) Stole that photo from his friends Facebook page. Nobody can trust one photo. With one photo you may look awesome but in fact you may look like your dad was Shrek and your mom was Donkey.

 Are his photos taken with a grainy webcam only?

Again this shows social ineptitude. Why don’t you have photos with friends… unless you don’t have any? That or there are traces of narcissism lingering.

 Do his photos include any bare chest, pantless in a bathroom mirror, or flexing muscles?

This is worth 3 checkmarks. If someone is that insecure of their personality they resort to showing off physical and sexual attributes as a method of persuasion, it’s possible this person doesn’t have much to offer once the lights turn back on.

 Are there blatant spelling errors in his message or profile?

Nothing funny here. This either means he can’t spell or he didn’t take the time to proofread his work. How you present yourself is the basis of community, and is the connotation you create and carry with you. If you spell or use grammar incorrectly it’s a turn off.

 Does he use acronyms or extreme spelling shortcuts?

This includes any ghetto language, words like “bebe”, “fyne”, sexi” or “gurl u kno u be hawt”

 Is there mention of drugs and/or getting baked/stoned or high?

If it’s listed as his favourite pastime or things he enjoys doing it’s very possible that his priorities aren’t relationship material, or he’d rather get high than do anything productive. This goes for alcoholics, or those who spend their whole day off getting baked or drunk to “relax”. Next!

 Does he use asterisks or lorem ipsum to reach the profile character limit?

I can’t tell you how not classy this is to create a profile or have an account somewhere where you need to fill in about yourself with at least 50 words. So they fill the space with random symbols or stuff like: “ehofhe hfrqhr4u idaj’wseuurf” to get to 50 words. Dude, that’s literally 2 sentences, if you can’t think of 2 sentences about yourself then maybe dating isn’t your first problem.

 Does he call you Gorgeous, Babe, Sexy, or Cutie Pie as a pronoun or his entire message?

DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. That’s like me walking up to a guy at a bar being like “Hey sexy, you’re such a cutie pie” and then walking away. What is someone supposed to do with that? Don’t be sleazy, and don’t use adjectives as a pronoun. Plus it’s weird.

 Is this message consisting of “Hey what’s up?” or similar?

Did not put thought into their message, did not read your profile, and did not want to put effort into contacting you. These messages are the telemarketers of the internet dating world. They put the feelers out and see if you respond and if they do they swoop down, and if they don’t they classify you as non responsive.

 Has he contacted you more than once, with the same message used like spam?

This is the spam of the interwebs. This is when guys use the same messages, or similar messages to send to you over a period of time. Normally this is their blanket statement, which they cut and paste to hot girls in hopes of a response. This also means the guy has no recollection he’s contacted you before and doesn’t think you’ll remember or notice if he sends the same message out, because he mass-spammed everyone already. One time I got the same guy message me the exact same thing once a month for about 5 months on a forum (the profile tracked history of the user inside the chat).  No one wants to be that girl.

 Is fellatio mentioned in his list of “Likes”?

Why am I explaining to you why this is bad?

 Does he compliment you on your attractiveness and then say “Good Job”?

Weird.

 Are his likes and dislikes empty because he claims he doesn’t know what to write?

Why are you telling us that? Take 5 minutes and write down that you like hockey, video games and beer, and at least pretend to have taken this seriously.

 Does he mention he doesn’t really need help finding a date but he’s on the site as a joke?

I have no idea the thought process behind this statement but I’ve got them as well as heard of others who have got the same kind of message. It’s a method guys/girls use to dissolve any responsibility or “lameness” that they are on this site. If you turn them down they’ll pretend it’s just for jokes anyway. Defence mechanism at its finest!

 Is his profile pretty much empty and his reasoning is “I don’t really go on sites like this, ask me if you have questions”?

Does not take it seriously, nor do they want to put any effort into actually thinking of anything to write down to describe themselves. Of course this could also mean that they don’t want to say the wrong thing or they’re afraid of saying something dumb or isolating themselves as weird or something somebody can laugh at.
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