05 January, 2012

Top 10 Video Game Characters I Would Love to Take Home

As seen at Good Game Media

10. Marth – Fire Emblem

Now I struggled a little with this one as I couldn’t decide between Marth and Roy (the Ginger), and now that I think about it a little harder I bet if I took either home it would be considered some kind of felony considering they look like they’re in grade 10. Although you have to admit men in uniform look better than stained beaters and old Crocs.

9. Sephiroth – Final Fantasy VII

Sometimes it’s good to be bad, and I bet Sephiroth is REAL bad – and all the girls love it (minus, you know, Aerith). You have to admit for a villain he certainly has his demonic tortured soul look down – complete with his fallen angel, one wing situation. Despite his kind of weird, Edward Scissor Hands hair style, his blonde hair, light eyes and uncanny androgynous bone structure screams: “I used to be a nice guy until I got hurt too many times.”

8. Venom – Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2

Ya, his teeth are kind of scary and his nails are like, well, daggers and you would probably want to stay away from any kind of kinky rough and tumble with him, but look at his body! Let me break it down for you; woman love bad boys. Especially bad boys who are in 5 times better shape than the hero. There is something to be said when Venom looks like he pumps iron every day while Peter Parker looks content with results from his weekly spin class gossiping about hair products and science. But really, if you need additional proof why I picked Venom - look at his tongue. Exactly.

7.  Dante – Devil May Cry 4

Dante is one of the ultimate anti-heroes, heroes who do good deeds for selfish reasons or cliché things like revenge. Sure he kills demons and saves the world but he doesn’t really give a shit about that, he just does it to avenge his dead mom and crazy brother. I like that. Plus I'm a sucker for light eyes, and while they may kind of have, er, luminescent-like qualities, they’re still blue and that counts. They also come in handy when you left your flashlight at the last demon-infested dark cavern, and you need to drunkenly open your front door at 3am.

6. Tidus – Final Fantasy X
tidus.jpg Tidus

Not going to lie, I always kind of had a crush on Tidus. The original Zanarkand beach bum, his blonde hair and blue eyes make women melt – after they question his sexuality. His clothing choice may not be much to look at aside from his hairless chest, but I'm sure after fiddling with the mass amount of clasps and buckles, those weird, convertible shorts will look better on my floor, amirite?

5. Ezio – Assassin’s Creed II

He may be super old and dead now, but when you play as Ezio you’re very aware “hey this guy does not look like a Mario Brother”. I don’t normally go for Italians but this is one I can really get behind (hiyooo). Technically you don’t see his full face but his sexy 5’O clock shadow, nice lips and olive skin leave me saying “oh my what big hand daggers you have.”

4. Commander Shepard – Mass Effect 3

While Shepard seems like a bit of an ass, well, actually he’s just an ass. Sadly a lot of women are attracted to men who treat others badly with a small glimmer of hope that maybe they will be looked fleetingly at by a hot man who defeated Saren. Yes he defeated evil, yes that kind of helps you out, so it’s natural to be attracted to this idiot. I didn’t say I wanted to sit down and have a chat about the state of politics in Citadel with him.

3. Chris Redfield – Resident Evil 5

Ok so he may be a little empty between the ears, that’s not the place I'm worried about. Chris looks like his father was a brick wall and his mother was a Semi, and they had a very broad, rippling, muscular child. Complete with bedroom eyes and perma-zombie-killing-scowl, Chris embodies the stereotypical man’s man that creates unrealistic stereotypes and mass inferiority complexes for men everywhere. Plus it looks like if you touch him you’d burn your fingers, but it would be worth it.

2. Nathan Drake – Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

HELLO Nathan Drake. He looks like a cross between Gerard Butler (HELLO), Jeffrey Dean Morgan (HELLO) and David Boreanaz (meh). Gritty, adventuresome, Drake must have a million stories to woo women with on a first encounter. Designed as the ‘every-man’, Drake represents a down to earth, realistic man who is not overly Sterioded up (I'm looking at you Chris), and not super flawless - as he stumbles around sometimes like how I am when I drink Jager. Drake is the kind of guy you would find at your grocery store, buying lots of ham and whatever else was on sale - items that would not make you believe he fancies expensive cheeses and owns a yacht. This normality is something women crave, and is why he is #2.

1. Link – Twilight Princess

Anyone who knows me knows that this is an obvious answer. Clearly nobody else would be in my top #1. I understand link is 17 and I would be arrested, but I’d like to think in Twilight princess he’s at least 18, preferably 26 as he lives on his own….in a tree. Link is the epitome of a hero: he’s got selfless reasons for doing things, he risks his life to save others, he never once complains, and he’s satisfied with the same tired excuse to rescue the same girl who isn’t giving it up. Link’s face is cute in a perfect Elvish way, and his earrings make him a little more badass… what? I like guys who are pierced. Again, he’s blonde and blue eyed, and I don’t even mind that his hair is better than mine. While he’s not super huge, he can still lift and carry a metal shield and sword; and you know he’s got to be accurate with his hookshot.

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