Alfred was a boy who grew up by the tracks,
He always seemed down on his luck, that’s a fact.
The kids they would tease,
Pushed him down to his knees,
But it all ended the day Alfred snapped.
Behind the castle lived a magician, Lou,
Who often wished he lived someplace new,
One day Lou’s spells hit a cog,
And turned himself into a frog,
And ended up in the Castle kitchen’s stew.
Castle Rye is a magical place,
Princes travel miles dressed up in lace,
To ask the princesses hand,
And be the best in the land,
But unbeknownst to them she wore a false face.
Deer in the woods have to watch out,
The hunter is lurking about,
No matter how hard they hide,
The deer can’t deny,
Their meat makes a pretty good stout.
Edward King of Rye had a rather large issue,
When summoned for court the Knights may have missed a few,
They preferred to woo, drink, and joust,
Edward found that too long they had groused,
So when they went missing only the king knew where to.
Fiefdom’s were hard to come by in Rye,
Almost none of the poor had their own plot to lie,
For years the Smith’s buried their kin,
In the fiefdom grounds reserved for Lord Whim,
And it turned out it was full when Whim died.
God’s Acre housed Grant the Terrible,
Buried there even though in life he was unbearable,
Each night the groundskeeper dug through the Geraniums,
To scare children he’d put on Grant’s Cranium,
To keep alive Grant the Terrible’s Parable.
Haberden was Fat Frank’s favourite meal,
When he saw it in delight he would squeal.
He rushed the castle cooks and the caterers,
And bust through king’s waiters,
And ate so much his skin split like a peel.
Inkhorn’s were used from dead cattle,
Sold in a shop, Paul’s Battle Prattle,
Leatherworker Georgie hated to see,
Cows killed needlessly,
So one day he made a Paul saddle.
Just when the moon hit the right light,
Similar to a night like tonight,
A howl could be heard,
Folks cried: ‘oh my word’,
And a man scampered off in the night.
Knight’s Fees were getting quite outrageous,
To ask for so much they were courageous,
So Fief’s had to sell,
Their beau or their belle,
Which turns out was not advantageous.
Longbow’s were popular amongst children of Rye,
They’d steal their parents and shoot off rounds into Lake Cry,
To retrieve all the arrows so dad’s wouldn’t find out,
On a dare they made Timmy swim all the way out,
They never saw the crocodile nearby.
Magnificent Matt was a melee champ,
He’d turn out five guys like a lamp.
Matt would swing his battle axe,
Break all the men’s backs,
And then he’d build them all ramps.
Noble was the word to describe Laura,
She’d spend all her days picking flora,
When her basket was stocked,
To the grasslands she’d flock,
To gather rabbits to make sweaters from Angora.
Ore was mined to make money for Rye’s wealthy,
The King’s stash by now was quite healthy,
The start of the week Jester would smile,
And before the King could count his great pile,
The Jester snatched up some ore, yes he was stealthy.
Princess Rose was the youngest of three,
Was born after both Anne and Lilly,
And even though suitors paid her no mind,
She was quite alright being alone all the time,
She could hit a bulls eye while climbing a tree.
Quintain’s were Franny’s favourite part of training,
She’d hack and she’d slash without even straining,
As a woman the men used to shoo her away,
They thought the targets she’d smash was a game she would play,
Until Franny proved her strength was not waning.
Relic hunting was a sport some men would partake,
They’d troll the caves up by Mountain Snake Ache,
It was a dangerous walk,
The dragon hid in cracks of the rock,
And the bones of the thieves he did break.
Scribes come and go at the church,
They make sure all pages of text aren’t besmirched,
But when two crooks stowed away,
In the rafters all day,
They were unaware the Scribes watched where they perched.
Targes were fashioned by Sir Ken,
When kids would stop to look he’d smack their hands,
One night he smelt burnt flesh in his house,
He sprang to life when water was doused,
There stood the kids with Ken’s brand.
Uncle Herb was the castles finest blacksmith,
He’d make the most expensive weapons forthwith,
One day he got caught,
In his kiln which was hot,
And looked up to see a cloaked man with his Scythe.
Vassal’s threw a party for the price of a silver,
Where people far and wide would come drink beer with their liver,
They’d get loopdy-loo,
And run through the dew,
And in the morning they’d find some in the river.
Wendy Ironfoot was an outcast all of her life,
Ever since the plague claimed her foot as a child, it caused her great strife.
When she’d walk down the path,
The villagers would laugh,
“There goes Wendy who cut her foot off with a knife.”
Xander was the Queens favourite Guard,
He took great pride in patrolling the castle’s yard,
He’d tip his hat to the King,
As he’d walk past his wing,
Sneaking in to meet the queen was not that hard.
Yeoman were men who caused harm,
Since Sunday they’d stay in their farms,
If a town visitor wanted a fight,
They’d close their doors super tight,
Because on Sunday a man chopped off their arms.
Zachary learned at a young age he was not the same,
As other boys who tried to claim fame,
They’d tousle and fight,
And struggle with might,
Against Zach who sent them flying with his brain.